Managing During Coronavirus Time

I am writing this post from a small village call Schaijk, in the province of North Brabant in The Netherlands. I do not live here, but I passed most of the pandemic here. I’m not particularly eager…


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Understanding Your Adaptive Survival Style is a Crucial Part of Healing

How can you move forward until you understand how you’re reacting and interacting? Uncover the chaos to find the peace.

Healing is a strange journey. Just as you take a few steps forward, you are knocked a few steps back. Trauma and upset have a way of warping our lives and shaping the way we see ourselves and the world around us. We have to look back, but dwelling there too often can leave us tied to the mistakes of a time we cannot control. All the same, we must look back and understand the survival patterns that brought us to our current place in life. These adaptive styles inform everything from the way we form relationships to the way we communicate. Unlock these patterns and you free yourself to start over.

The point of addressing all our trauma and our hurts is, ultimately, to create better organization and regulation in our lives. We tire of the upsets, and the turmoil, and the endless discomfort that we can’t understand. And that’s what the NeuroAffective Relational Model allows us to see. Leaning into a greater understanding of who we are and how we’ve been shaped, we can look honestly at the behaviors and beliefs which have allowed us to survive. We don’t want to survive, though. We want to thrive. Doing that, however, means stepping up and speaking up for our needs.

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