On the ugly truth of living

Musings, Life

“Life feels easier together” Or is it?

The ugly truth about living is that you always have to deal with everything by yourself. Even your closest people can only help you so far, for the sake of (let’s called it) “human limitation.”

Maybe I’m a very secretive person; I like to keep everything to myself. Part of that is because I don’t want to burden people with my mess, my emotional baggage, or my problems. I only share stuff with someone when I have already handled or conquered something. Maybe I’m also afraid of being too reliant on anyone as I have felt abandonment by someone I trusted and used to be close with in the past. Another part of why I keep things to myself is maybe because I see no point whatsoever in sharing all your burdens if you ended up being the one who carries them and you’ll be the one who’s going to find out how to take them away.

You are in charge of your actions. No human would voluntarily clean up the mess for you. No one truly understands how mentally and emotionally tired you are of being kind to those who constantly hurt you. No one’s going to be available 24/7 for you when you cry your eyes out in the middle of the night. Even your closest s/o have their own struggle. You are in charge of your emotions.

Life doesn’t feel easier together it just feels less heavy.

Sometimes when I face trials and life gets messy, I wish I could go back to when everything was fine or go back to become who I was 2 or 3 years ago which I know that version of me would be very capable of handling a certain problem that I’m currently facing. Now you get why Taylor Swift wrote “I like to be myself again, but I’m still trying to find it” but you also understand that life doesn't work that way.

Life is never simpler nor easier.

So there’s no point in wanting things would go back to the way it was before or wishing you could find the old version of yourself or wishing someone else could solve your problem (Bless them, if they would).
So here’s to being more content with yourself rather than becoming too dependent on someone else.
Here’s to never being afraid to walk this life by yourself.
Here’s to being alone.

M.

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