Refusing to lie

I am not a professional liar and never was, but I did say things I wasn’t feeling or actually thinking, so other people could feel good. And you know what? I don’t want to anymore.

I (don’t) miss you.

I got a message with a very simple question once: do you miss me? But the simplicity of it was delusional — only because the question has two options (yes or no) doesn’t mean everything is clear and easy. What does it actually mean to answer — yes, I do? Behind this little word hides a very long letter with promises unsaid. It means, yes, I miss you, I want to see you, I need you now, I am thinking about you and so on. Are you ready to take responsibility for this little “yes”? For all those words behind it? If you feel the same way, sure, go on. But I didn’t, I didn’t at all. It was another situation where I was about to make a mistake by answering “yes” only, because I didn’t want to hurt somebody’s feelings.

I suddenly realized how heavy and big this “yes” is and how many expectations are wrapped up in this question. So, I looked back and said “no” and added to myself, “and I am not sorry for saying that.”

(Don’t) Say what they want to hear.

For a very long time, I thought: “Say what they want to hear — it doesn’t cost you anything, but you’ll make them happy.” But it does cost you a lot, actually. Every time you say something you don’t feel or think, you betray yourself.

It’s true. If you’re saying, “It was really great seeing you — let’s do this again,” it means you probably have to see this person at least once more, because you kind of committed to doing so. You can apply this rule to every single situation.

I don’t want to seem rude and say that you are always supposed to show a cold shoulder and be straight-forward. No. Sometimes, you might not want to do something, but if it’s for someone you really love and care about, you’ll do it anyway. Being polite, helpful, and nice is very important. But you have to draw a line — a tiny protective line between you and those who try to steal your time, space and emotions.

Everything is (not) okay.

Last but not least, the question that I used to answer automatically was “is everything okay?”. In my opinion, it’s okay to say “yes”, if

There were many times I regretted my “everything is alright” when it wasn’t and I was in desperate need of talking about it and asking some questions to calm myself down. But I didn’t want to come out as neurotic or stupid, or annoying, so I didn’t say anything. My inner monologue got longer and more complicated, and it made me angry as the days passed by. Wrong disicion, very wrong.

Don’t do this to yourself. Only because someone isn’t in the mood to talk about your problems, doesn’t mean you have to stay quiet to keep them happy. Speak out, say it’s not alright and explain why you feel this way. Make everything clear and you’ll feel a big relief. Perharps, at the end, your problem wasn’t that big at all.

I don’t know if someone’s feeling the same and if this is helpful, but I wanted to share these thoughts with whoever is going to read this piece. I need to start talking out loud and see that my thoughts are real. They are written and they are here. So am I.

Related posts:

-Customized lock screen. - Customizable notifications. - Increased flexibility of the Focus feature. - Battery percentage indicator in numbers. (Finally.) - Track your medications directly on iPhone…

Incense is an essential component of many cultures and religions. It is a burning mixture of herbs, resins, gums and other substances. Ancient civilizations used incense to create sacred environments…

The most promising area in Artificial Intelligence research is the field of deep learning. With deep learning, we mean a powerful set of techniques (biologically inspired) for learning from…