Living A Life Without Purpose

“I am ready to die, anytime, I have no purpose in life.. No partner, no children, meaningless jobs…”

I have no dream and no goals in my life. Aimless but restless. Yes, I try to excel myself in anything that I do. But, it feels more empty day by day. It’s just waking up and spending whole my time to get through the day.

My therapist told me that I experience anxiety attack because I feel my life has no meaning. At first, I deny it. But as day went by, I agree with it.

I surrounded my life with people that has big dreams and big goals. They have life purpose. I do happy for them, but at the same time, I envy them.

“I don’t have dreams, the dreams that scared me.. nor passion that fuel my days”

I wish I have, really. It’s as if my heart goes into cold mode. All the time.

I probably have made impact in people’s lives, some points I changed their life, since I was working in a social enterprise before, but then, still, I feel empty. My therapist told me to find meaningful activities, but I don’t know what kind of activities I need to do.

“It’s like being a zombie.. you just fulfil your basic instinct and you are good to go..”

I try to fill it, but it’s like a cup with a big hole underneath. There’s nothing you can do. In the end, all I do now is just living my life, day by day, do anything I can do as if it’s my last day. I express what I want to express and I take chances and risks because I treat it as if it’s my last day. I even already prepare my will and life insurance in case I die tomorrow.

It’s probably doesn’t sound that bad. At least for now.

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