Misplaced egomania

June 23rd, 2023

I always thought that there was something peculiar about me. Something that made me different and set me apart from other people — and that made me standoffish. A lot, and in a rude way. I always thought my fate was mine to endure. And to suffer doing the enduring. And there was nobility in suffering, so I could feel better about myself.

There was something in my core — the inescapable essence, mine particular essence. Something that was fixed deep in my nature and made different and better than others. The substance of me was more potent and richer and more yielding the truth I wanted to apply to all humankind. I spent years trying to distil that secret and sacred knowledge.

All I needed was to look deep inside me and to find the proper words to describe what I felt and knew as truth. But that never happened. And the deeper I looked, the surer I became that there was nothing particularly peculiar there. There was nothing of an essence I could take and squeeze out except for a paradoxical dilemma —

In truth, I was (and still am) a beast made as a half-animal and half-symbolic being. There is no escaping from my animal nature, and from my basest of needs and from my reactions to what surrounds me. That other part — the symbolic me — can be moulded and shaped as I want and that realisation is a revelation for me. I can take the set of symbols that is embedded in my (and in every other person’s) deep unconsciousness and analyse where they are coming from, and what is their meaning and how they influence me as a person — and then

I can reject them out of hand, or ignore them, or use them as a starting point to build something new, something coming from a clean slate of having no repressed thoughts and needs and wants. I can start a change from the inside to finally see an unburdened and unbound me.

Related posts:

In addition to Apple releasing iOS 16 to the public a few weeks ago, we’ve also seen the release of watchOS 9 for the Apple Watch. Of course, there is currently more talk about the new iOS, which…

Is there anything particularly wrong with this code? Not really, just a normal Action which fetches a book and returns it if it has been found. However, you see the if-statement which checks if the…

The definition of KPI (Key Performance Indicator) is: a metric chosen by you (Performance) that is relevant (Key) for your success (Indicator). That means you shouldn’t just copy a KPI from someone…